Picking up the Pieces
by Queenhopetheirin
Summary: Rae Lavellan is in love with Solas, or so she tells herself as he distances himself from her. Can the man she claims to hate fix her broken heart?


Rae stood at the practice dummies contemplating the long complicated year that brought her here. She sneered contemplating the day she walked out of the Fade. Rae hadn't wanted to go to the conclave, but her Keeper insisted.

Rae moved her long chestnut brown hair out of her face, and held the long sword in her hand. Cassandra had become a good friend. Late night chats lead to trust and then to friendship after Cassandra taught her to use a sword one drunken night.

A slight smile flashed as she remembered trying to teach Cassandra to light a fire with magic. Rae swung her sword, hitting a practice dummy. She giggled falling from the weight of the shield and tossed it aside. The night of magic training for Cassandra ended unsuccessfully. They fell asleep in front of a fire that Dorian lit to get them into bed.

Solas stood to the side and chuckled at their antics. He said she should have her fun, wandering off, distancing himself again. The trip to the grove was just the final straw. He never stood too close, at least not in public. Solas came through dreams at night, sometimes even when they were in Skyhold, "You are tired, and you need rest. Here we can be together and you can sleep."

Rae swung the sword going through the choreographed motions that Cassandra had taught her, later when sober. The exercise centered her. Cullen had warned her not to trust Solas. She growled angrily thinking of the human Templar. How dare Cullen imply that Solas wasn't honest with her?

Rae had run into Templars while still with her people. They found her clan, then offered to forget, to keep quiet for favors. Cullen reminded her of the man who used her over and over for his silence. They weren't twins, but his look, it gripped her with fear.

For two years she slept with him in exchange for the safety of her people. Rae wondered if the reason her Keeper sent her away, despite her begging to stay, was to prove that Shem men could be good. She hated men now, well not Cole, or Dorian.

Rae remembered the man's lips on her neck sometimes. She shivered ashamed at the nights she prayed to the Elven gods hoping he'd die. Her chest tightened; she struggled to breathe. Anger, pain frustration, hate, boiled in her chest.

"Rae, he his hiding something," Cullen had said so many times.

On the trip to Val Royeaux to free Blackwall she went with Cullen, Cassandra, and Leliana. Solas stayed behind, too angry with the dark haired man, he said. Rae had let Cullen talk one night when he didn't make her remember being pressed to her bed by a drunken man.

"Cullen I am sure you mean well, in your own way. Butt out of it," she said to Cullen, standing so close behind her that his breath lifted the hairs on her neck.

Rae's skin tingled as she pictured him merely a breath away, she knew he was attracted to her. Rae was afraid of the feeling she had for him, he was a good man, took her fear in stride never pushing on the days she had to keep the war table between them.

For a moment she wanted to relax against his chest, to let him hold her up. Cullen was nothing like the man who hurt her, his first instinct was to comfort. And then Cullen put his hands on Rae's shoulders and the spell broke.

Rae turned and sneered at him, snarling as a dog to an intruder, "They say you are different than the man who threatened my clan. That I should trust you. Yet you come behind me, every time we are alone and you tell me that Solas isn't trustworthy. I love him Cullen." She growled out forcefully.

"Is a mage hating Templar a better choice for me?" She spit as she spoke, chest heaving, rage spilled out of her.

Cullen backed away frustrated. He always flinched when she reminded him of his past mistrust of mages. To be fair, not that she was, he never hurt her. But when she looked at him the hate was real.

Tonight she used the sword and pretended it was Solas' lying ass standing before her. Every gentle kiss, every loving word a lie. Sure he never claimed love, but his kisses soft, he held her closer, tighter. He stood so close it felt as if every part of his body should touch every part of hers. A couple times in the Fade they made love for days. He made her special, but he got what he wanted and then called it off.

Rae growled as she practiced the motions again. She wouldn't win in a real fight, but she liked that she could get out the anger and frustration. The cool air moved over her. Rae realized the hour that Solas came to her room when everyone else was sleeping. He'd place a soft kiss on her neck., She'd say she had too much to do. He'd carry her to bed.

"No, leave me alone," she screamed at the memory.

A noise startled her., She turned to find the tall blonde man she had tormented for over a year because he was a tall blonde Templar. There he was in his armor. Thedas may fall if he took it off.

"You were right. Shit, are you happy now?" Rae's eyes narrowed she pointed at Cullen with her sword. What did she want him to do, to say?

"I am unsure what you are referring to Inquisitor. I came to see who was in the training yard so late at night, and you've been crying." He looked to take a step forward, so she took one back.

"You may not comfort me Commander. You were right. He brought me some place: a grove with a pond, and trees. I thought he was… It doesn't matter. Solas sat with me, and then told me he was a distraction." Her breath caught in her throat. "I hate him more than I hate Templars."

The emotions churned as she hit the dummy over and over again. Cullen stepped closer wrapping his arms around her from behind. He held her hands so she couldn't lash out again. The sword fell to the ground. She wouldn't be used again. She braced herself for a fight when the unexpected happened.

"Shh, I am here." He whispered into her ear.

"You may not comfort me, Templar." She cried. With a burst of energy she pushed him off her.

"Why are you so kind? Templar's aren't kind. They come and threaten and take. Over and over they take." She held out her arm, her palm facing Cullen, letting him know she wanted him to stay away.

She wanted to go back to her room back to… "Ma vhenan, my heart," the last time Solas went to her room weeks ago. Solas called her that a final time. He had what he wanted, and he pulled away.

"Spar with me, Inquisitor," Cullen said taking his sword out, "I see you don't use a shield."

"They're too heavy, as was a great sword." Rae admitted, she held the long sword with both hands. She picked up the sword and held it how she learned to hold the weapon. Their swords clanked together as he learned her sparring pattern.

Rae enjoyed the steady clink until he challenged her harder. He lifted an eyebrow, as she paused for a breath, "Tiring, Inquisitor?"

Rae swung harder. Her lip curled, "never." She swung back.

Five minutes passed and Cullen looked as he had when he first got there, and she found herself backed against the wall. She met his eyes, and something changed. She dropped her sword and whipped her cheeks. Cullen pulled her to his chest and rested his head on hers.

"You aren't allowed to comfort me." Rae cried out again.

She balled her fists as if to push Cullen away. He looked hurt, again, and it was her that was hurting him.

"Cullen… I don't hate you." She whispered, it was the nicest thing she ever said to him.

Cullen leaned in and kissed her. Her lips tingled as he took control of the kiss. Her hands sneaked up around his neck. The air crackled with need, fear, and anticipation.

Rae moaned when he pulled her closer, the kiss grew deeper, the energy that flowed around them left them stimulated, aroused. Rae had her fingers in his hair. He had his arms holding her closer. She found herself worried he'd stop.

She searched for the buckles on his armor as they slipped into the shadows of the tavern wall, and the battlement wall. This wasn't real, this was a dream she decided. How many hours had she spent in contemplation over how to remove his armor?

When Rae got the first buckles undone she wanted to cheer. Cullen backed off and took off the outer shell of his armor leaving his clothing. A nice cotton shirt and breeches. They didn't need a diagram to remove them.

When his lips met hers again there was an urgency she hadn't expected. She kissed him back not bothering with his shirt. She removed her leggings kicking them to the side. His pants joined hers along with both of their underthings.

Cullen lifted Rae as if she weighed nothing. He pushed up into her pussy with his hard cock, and Rae had to cover her mouth to keep herself from making any noise.

Rae let the sensations wash over her. She scratched at Cullen's back to bring him closer. Each thrust brought her closer to the edge. Their heavy breathing was the only noise. Cullen covered Rae's mouth with his as she made pleading sounds for more.

Rae was sure there wasn't a part of her that didn't remind her of a plucked string. She vibrated as he put his lips over hers. And then it stopped. Her world froze as Rae found release. Her quiet orgasm settled as Cullen grunted, pushing deep into her three more times before leaning his head against hers.

Cullen whispered words she never expected: how beautiful she was, how strong. Rae shook her head, conflicted as he set her on the ground, but Cullen acted as if they had a bed and time.

"Cullen," she started, "we need to put on clothing." She stroked the back of his head as he held her against the wall. The frigid, rough brick left scratched on her ass.

Cullen set Rae's feet on the ground kissing her, she kissed him back, "Get dressed and walk me to my room. I will explain everything." She stroked his cheek hoping he would come.

Cullen nodded gathering his things. They got dressed and gathered their weapons. It was late enough no one was in the hall. They walked up the stairs to her room in silence and there they were, alone.

Rae needed to explain everything, but the words stuck in her throat. Cullen offered to leave, being the gentleman he was. Rae asked him to stay. His offer had her leading him to the small couch where they sat on either end.

"It was three years ago…" She started, her head down to avoid looking at Cullen.

Rae told him the story of the Templar that changed her life, the person before was quiet and friendly. She described him, though now looking at Cullen, she saw the differences. Shame covered her face as she remembered how she treated Cullen.

The story was long. She told him how the Templar showed up drunk when she was comfortable again. How each time they slept together she felt dirty and cheap. Soon, anger, bitterness, and searing hate remained between visits.

Hating Cullen was easy. What she found difficult was the times she didn't hate him. "The trip we took to retrieve Blackwall, you warned me Solas was hiding something. I don't know if he is or isn't but you stood so close and I was so angry with myself that I wanted you."

Cullen let out a deep breath after she let it out. "You have been holding this secret?" his hand moved to her head and pulled her to his chest.

Rae nodded her fingers undoing the buckles of his armor wanting him to hold her. "Stay with me Cullen…"

Cullen nodded as they both stripped ready for bed. Cullen climbed into the big canopy bed and Rae followed. Her head went to his chest, her fingers curled under her chin. Maybe in the morning there would be regret, but Rae closed her eyes and focused only on Cullen's breathing. The Fade's fingers pulled her through as sleep claimed her.

Solas watched from the battlements, worried she would hurt herself. When Cullen came, and they fought it took everything he had not to go to protect her. And then he knew he had lost it. He sighed and walked away without a sound.


End file.
